Am I Paranoid...?

Dear readers,

I was downstairs in my basement making a fruit basket, minding my own business and eating shortbread cookies, when I happened upon some very interesting headlines in the newspaper.

I think the feds are up to something... and not just Canadian feds, but the hot shots all around the world.  Now, maybe I really am just paranoid and it wouldn't surprise me.  I cannot fall asleep on busses because I'm terrified I'll be murdered.  I carry groceries home with a death grip incase someone tries to mug me.  I even go as far as reciting to myself what I will say to the group of teenagers 100 feet down the road from me if they say something obscene.  Yes, I know, I have issues.


Validate this for me: why has the Defence Minister of Canada invested $9-$16 BILLION in state-of-the-art fighter jets?  Furthermore, what is the reason behind Harper's rapid movement to get a High Arctic research facility built in Resolute, Nunavut?  Resolute!  The Inuktitut name, Qausuittuq, literally means, "Place where there is no dawn".  Does anyone see the irony?!

Here's what I think.  I think, and I could be wrong, that the Canadian government is bracing itself for a serious war against global warming, or Betty White.  While I am unsure what beef Canada has with Betty White, there is one thing I know for sure: I am at war with with my insatiable appetite for these shortbread cookies.

Take shelter, with love,
Ty